I am strange enough..!!

Thanks to God, holidays ended here come another new semester. Need to leave my family again. I hate this feeling. Every time I come back here, the felling will just appear. I am not home sick by missing them but worrying them. Sigh. As a elder son, I need to take care of my parents and my siblings as well. carrying such big responsibilities. It is still far away to go for me to start my career. I know only God knows how I feel and there are His plans on me, but sometimes myself will lost my faith, drown, and dead end. I do not know what happened to me.

What happened to me?
Why is this happening?
How does it comes from?
When did I started become like this?

Oh, no.. I am not who am I anymore. I feel want to hit the wall with my hand, break something to release this tension. I do not want to become like this.

Many doubts inside me. Many problems inside me. Negative thinking, depressions, and sadness. I am nothing in this world. Studying also not good, wasting money and time. "Sampah masyarakat" in malay. I feel like a rubbish or even worst than that. Argh..!!! I feel so disappointed with myself. I feel so shameful to Him. I am really nothing. I falling down to the hill, drown into sea deeply..I really hate this feeling. I need a doctor. God, please help me. I know you are there. Pull me out from all this sadness in my heart. Nobody understand.. God, I am really